Happy One Year To Me!!!!!!

15 12 2013

I cant believe it has been 12 months since i have been on my blog. It is crazy how different I see things today compared to this time last December. I have taken these last 12 months to stay clean, focus on my family, and nurture and love myself for the first time in many many years. I think it took a good 6 months for the “voices” to go away in my head. and it took only 3 months to go from 92 pounds to 140lbs! I was making up for some lost suppers the past 3 years of my using. The hard part is learning how to keep the chaos out of my head on a daily basis. Or shall I say the Bullshit. Its all just chaotic Bullshit that lives up in my head that used to cause me to be impulsive, insecure, and make poor choices. I don’t know exactly how I keep it out today but I know that keeping my ass busy all time is key for me. So during this last year I have manged to do a few things like get a job, wake up like a normal person and take care of the daily basic things that are simple for most people but seem so difficult for someone who has been hiding in the bathroom for the last 3 years with a meth pipe in her mouth. The first 6 months of my recovery and walking into my bathroom was a trigger for me as that was where all the “magic” happened. But today I walk into my bathroom and my stomach always turns and I fell sick with shame. Its trip’s me out to think I was ready to give up everything for that glass pipe. I was willing to throw my entire family away in order to keep getting high. 

Last week I went to my Home Group meeting and My husband and Sponsor gave me my one year cake! I fucking did it!! After 3 long years of falling down, I finally was able to gather one full year of true clean time! No pills, No Meth..Nothing!!! Just me, and my feelings and a huge support group that gave me pure unconditional Love! I feel peace within and I can say that I might even Like me!!

 

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