You cant see the forest through the Trees….

25 01 2013

I asked my Sponsor the other day if she thought I was making any progress because I still feel so ” emotionally fucked”  I know what my head feels like when I have 90 days clean and I know what it feels like to have 40 but I just don’t feel like I am where I should be in my recovery. Of course my husband

IMG_5093says I haven’t done shit and my behavior is still the same, which does not help my confidence much as is.  Anyways her answer to me was have you ever heard of the phrase you can’t see the forest through the trees ?  Well Oddly enough I had not so here I am go ogling it for two days to “get it” and then My problems will be solved… Dont you love my fucked up, over thinking way of thinking??  Here I am looking at every little detail of this statement to finding the real meaning, as I am reading the meaning over and over ” LOOKING AT TOO MUCH DETAIL AND NOT SEEING THE BIGGER PICTURE”  What the fuck am I missing? Have I lost these many brain cells because I’m still confused.
Could I be avoiding having to look at  myself and that is why I am not surrendering? I thought Detail was important? I have always been told I never pay attention and focus and not I’m paying too much attention. What the fuck am I missing here? I go meetings om a regular basis, I reach out to others, (most of the times) I AM CLEAN, I am doing my Step work, I pray twice a day.  I’m doing all that I need to do to Stay Clean.  My heart still feels empty though? So I know that I must not be doing something right. I know it takes time but what if all this time goes and I am still sitting here clean with an empty heart?

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4 responses

25 01 2013
Challenging Addiction

Easy does it! Lol. Every single day you don’t pick up, you are doing a great job! Keep reminding yourself of that. The rest will come in time. 90 days isn’t that long to undo years of addiction. I rarely make promises but I promise you if you continue to work a program, pray and stay clean, your heart won’t be empty. You’re not doing anything wrong either. It takes as lot of time for the body and the brain to heal. Check out the SAMHSA website. They have lots of info on what happens in the brain and you’ll see you’re perfectly normal to feel the way you feel. I hope this helps. Anna

25 01 2013
holdinghope123

I keep hearing those same words : if you stay clean, it will get better, I promise . And I tell them all they better be frigging right or I will come back and kick their ass! πŸ™‚
Thank you

25 01 2013
Challenging Addiction

I will let you kick my ass if it’s not true. LOL. πŸ™‚

25 01 2013
holdinghope123

Ok deal!

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